You Know You're Orthodox If...

I took the following from the "You Know You're Orthodox If..." page on Facebook. I kept only the ones that made sense to me and that were somewhat amusing. Many of these I can't exactly relate to because, well, I'm not Orthodox (yet!) but I thought they were entertaining anyway...

• On Wednesdays and Fridays you eat Japanese food.
• You are more comfortable standing in church than sitting.
• Lent to you means peanut butter, tofu, soy, lots and lots of pita bread and hummus, and services at least five times a week.
• You’re used to skipping breakfast on Sundays.
• You wonder why the Pope crosses himself backwards when you see him on TV.
• To you, a ‘topless’ gal is one without a headscarf.
• You get great deals on Easter candy.
• Before you pray, you say a prayer.
• You don’t flinch when someone throws water at you.
• When you first tell people who ask what religion you are, at first they think you’re Jewish. Oy!
• You’re experienced at removing wax from clothing.
• You consider any service two hours or under short/regular.
• You know you’re in an Orthodox church when the priest says, “Let us complete our prayer to the Lord," and there’s still half an hour to go.
• At the end of Holy Week, you have rug burns on your forehead.
• Your priest is married.
• You address the City as Constantinople instead of Istanbul.
• You can say "Lord have mercy" 40 times without making a mistake.
• You can say "Christ Is Risen"/"Indeed He Is Risen" in a million languages.
• You have multiple priests' numbers in your cell phone.
• Even if you don't speak the language fluently (i.e. Albanian, Greek, Russian, etc.) you could still carry on a decent conversation about food in it.
• You've been or plan on going to Alaska.
• You could write a book on the symbolism in an Orthodox wedding... during the wedding... because they are just that long.